We are all familiar with Baba’s HATKE extravagant dressing sense : kabhi rang birangi chamkila shirt…toh kabhi dheela- dhala skirt. But what kind of fashion sense is this, Baba? posing looking so outrageously ‘behaal’ and showing us your whole body and khaal..You see, even our aadi – manav ancestors during prachin kaal did not cause this kind of LAFDA and made sure they had something like phul- patti, ghas – phus or animal skin as KAPDA.
But there is also a lot of ADMIRATION and APPRECIATION for this Baba’s very same ‘BINA– KAPDA’ wala pose,!! – and this is what caught my attention, I was like, “baap rey, how are these people able to see and NOTICE something so extraordinarily different in this photo? And how come I can’t? I thought to myself “that way, I may not be all that smart but, thoda – bahut art kisamajtoh even I have” ..So I tried again, but this time – chashma laga ke, nazar gadake; ..I stared and glared in the hope; that I too might see what makes this UNATTIRED’ photograph so SPECTACULAR! But unfortunately I must admit; there must be in it – some jabardast ‘kala pradarshan’ samajhne ki highly superior intelligence, wali baat.” For I could STILL not NOTICE anything apart from what is OBVIOUS, that is – photo mein, “ek DARING BANDA hain, LEKIN pura NANGA hain!!”
Sunday ho ya Monday, roz khao ande…. that’s old – fashioned. Here’s the modern nuske and funde!! Sunday ho ya Monday, chatpata, masaledaar; food is just a click away. Super – fast order online, RIGHT NOWand feast on garma – garam muh main paani laane wala lazeez, swaadisht khatta meetha thikka .. combo main ya single – one day ho ya full week, jab, jitna aur jitney baar ho mann! Sandwich, burger, maska – bun, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE eating ALL the TIME is so fun!! Earlier it was, “home delivery , safety ke naam pe ( during lockdown)” now it’s din ho ya raat, “ jamm ke khao – online offers ke daam pe”. .. aur phir pade raho sofa pe; bina kisi kaam ke!!
Mere online food ke andhe premiyoaur deewano,Bhaiyo, Behno, School ke bacho, College ke macho, chote chote employees and bade bade CEO… ab online food is our preference rozana, for us; ghar ka khana is ‘uncool’ and purana : cause we’re the ‘technology main full – on, health main full – gone’ FOOLISH NAYA zamana!!
We girls, our further studies and the slight gloom hanging over our heads of “missing out on a probable groom” !!#empowerwomen
Humare Mohale ke Chikni – chupdi Chachiyo ki paltan, ne mujhse kaha : – ” Arey Chhori!! itna mat padho ki single hi reh jaoge!!’Toh maine bhi, unko kaha : ” aap apna dekho aur zarra chai – pakoda ke aage sochna seekho varna – good morning ke guldaste bhej bhej ke sabko satate reh jaoge”But Yes!! We beautiful, young and undoubtedly intelligent girls; do – every now and then get affected by the “ending up remaining single factor” and we often have this crazy conversation and doubt about our further Education.We think ” yaar jab tak humara PhD complete ho jayega… “We’ll be like gone-with-the wind; murjhaya hua flowers “without makeup or GEHNA”-And by then all the handsome HUNKS will have chosen the other girls, and call us their “pyari BEHNA”!!We imagine ourselves as “muh main kum daant, walking stick, jhuriyo and gol frame wale chashmo ke sath” Becoming a FOSSIL at the study table- “Kitabo ke dher main” while other girls roam around with lipstick, Kajal, high Heels style bikher bikher ke!!
Of course- that’s just our imagination…But dear girls, let me tell you : by then we’ll be: strong Women; intellectual, professional, and well- read an edge above the rest…!! When intelligence dresses itself with confidence : Sabki -“Pairo talle zameen khisak jayegi !!Chakra jayenge, takra jayenge, Gir, padh ke collide and collapse ho jayenge!! Slip aur, skid ho jayenge ….!Phighal ke liquid ho jayenge”Even if we just pass by, SIDE se -Samjo dill – o – dimag se completely ghayal ho jayenge- Itne highly Educated Ladki ke SIGHT se!!
Na jaane hum main se kitney – toh dukaan waale ko hii, leke bhaage!!
Mask pehen ke, baat karte hain ese – Baap – re – baap !! maano, hum sab hain ‘paan khao thukdu jaise’ !! Maine kaha, Chachi ; mujhe lagi hain bhuk, signal pe Kuch khilaoge?? Chaachi ne suna:, mujhe hain single hone ka duk!! Meri shaadi kab karaoge???
While eating and drinking – We often forget…..that there’s a ‘rumali roti’ like kapda – between the pakoda and our mouth! And, kids have chewed on it like chewing gum, others – have chabaod it along with their subji … And yet there are THOSE who’ve been EXTRA innovative and – used it as an ‘INSTANT” FILTER while drinking water!!
So dear friends… with all of this ’muh’ – ka – baandi and ‘naakabandhi’ continuing…: – this year; “bada bada” unrealistic goals nai rakhne ka, One fine day “wala pahad ukhaadne” ka soch nai rakne ka, itna sabr rakne ka – Ki everyday life main shiddat se kaam karne ka …..’Life’s NOT about : Running ‘ghode’ jaise koi RACE – It’s the DAILY things that with COURAGE you have to face!! Better than “full speed pe BREAKDOWN” is maintaining a consistent everyday PACE!!’
These are the; COMMANDING and DEMANDING : riotous type of people WHO simply cannot do anything on their own: or go anywhere without creating – a RUCKUS and treating others like animals from a CIRCUS!! ..‘do this , do that, this way – that way, … faster properly !!.. karke logon ka sarr chabaa jaate hain!!
These finicky – panicky sophisticated, bheja eaters !! want everything done in a frightfully RIGID, unrealistically, ‘PERFECT’ manner and will go on ORDERING – and chewing up your brain for the most INSIGNIFICANT thing!!!.. till they’re gasping for BREATH!!! But – baap – rey baap!! – they shall not give up on being the “MALIK” ….who gives everyone HUKKUM and scares everyone to DEATH!!
My Dearest readers, thank you so much for reading my blog; and graciously putting up with me – although I have been making Khichdi out of the English language!! I’m one of those Literature students who was actually thrown out of the kingdom of Literature; fell off the tree of Linguistics,. and was rejected by a board of scoffing, nearly choking and coughing, English Professors, who CHASED me out of town with a BROOM !!: …Cursing my khandaan from maasi to buaa; Giving one after the other English mein bad’duaa…!!!’ and yet : I chose to come back – and show my face – and even try a HAND AT WRITING!!!
So, you see, I just don’t have what it takes : to be an English writer like everyone else … my WRITINGS lack that ‘SHAKESPEARE – IC’ “thee, thy, thou, thine” wala Angrezi touch …My pronunciation and diction have some sort of an issue – for me, it’s easier to write “arey, jaa re .. yeh puniya ka kaam kar ke, aa.. re !!” rather than, ” I hereby ordain unto thee, to perform this noble task”
If , any English writers; narrated a story about “the fights between two wives of a gentleman; ”, they would certainly bring together the most polished of words to adorn the title of the story; LIKE : “The miseries of the 2 wives” Or “The fable of the 2 Wives who fought throughout their lives ” Or maybe “The two quarreling wives ”…. But my title for the same would be….“Sautan Lagaye Aag, Jaan Bacha ke Bhaag”!!
I have brought out the most hilarious, obnoxious behavior of us girls when it comes to impressing guys,…but why leave out the even more atrocious, ferocious, behavior of the BOYS..when it comes to the same???!!! So here are some comments on our ‘uchalta – khudtaa ankh – marta langoors,’: who fool and “be – dimag” ho kar bhi, try to act cool..
I’m sure; hum sabka pala inse padha hain “stinky skunks” with, puffed – up chest, and spiked – up hair; they think of themselves as handsome hunks and god’s eternal GIFT to heaven and earth… the ‘saari ladkiya mujh pe marti hai’ TYPE!! These disastrous freaks are every girl’s ‘chalta phirta dread and buraa sapna’ they ‘FOOL around with all but don’t honor anyone as apna’
Inn se toh pala padhte hi, inke sar pe chappal padhti hain !! the “luche lafange complete bedhange” TYPE These ‘badnaseeb, mentality se ajeeb, mendhaks’– will stare and stare and stare and NO GIRL they’ll SPARE – until their head is hammered by a range of lady’s footwear!!
Aur inn “SARFIRE ajooba’s” se toh hum sabka pala, padha hi padha hain!! – the : behlao – fuslao, uljhao – atkao – fasao, and bewakoof – banao all the girls : with their airy – flairy talks, and hopeless show – off TYPE!” the MOST outrageous brainless gadha’s with their heratangez adaa!!
The Lockdown, although a ‘majboori’ ..it did somewhat help bridge this ‘doori’ and brought back the fuss – free Bindaas zindaa – dilli, loving and caring DESI attitude of us, Indian youth : in the past one – and a – half year we have had no choice but to celebrate birthdays and events at home, or at normal places with our family and friends; without whose presence our lives would be adhuri!!
BUT now, we’re BACK : to the so – called : PERFECT ‘new – age’ café RAGE…! The cozy, coffee, and ‘gupas’ over the cupas business!! A fancy place with a decorated unchaa ceiling; and 5 – star Angrezi, Spanish waali feeling : and all the fuss and nakhraas you can think of – set in with wifi, A/C and the latest modern comforts …Furniture and atmosphere cut to match the craving of the west – loving, Indian youth : and a name and location that would get any brand – conscious café –addict instantly glued there!! Where your instagram followers would die approving and praising off. …
For every occasion: you run to one of these CAFÉ’S with your “baal rangeela, bheja dheela’’ atrangi chelaa’s grooving to the sound of some bizarre BESURA high angrezi music ki dhun!!.. Your, swirly creamy, ‘coffee’ shivers : while YOU do a zordar koshish at everything from “machal – pout” to “ghodaa – grin”, changing a HUNDRED FILTERS but STILL looking like an unsatisfied elf…. Arey yaar; Stop this India – born “VIDESHI” banne ka stress and mess, and simply enjoy; your undisputed “artistically manmohak, naturally photo – readily akarshak”, true DESI “kadak chai” and self !!! !
There has been so much talks, about – what all we have been through socially and financially as a nation in the last 19 months, BUT now – we actually have a chance to celebrate “walking the talk”, by looking beyond just ‘ meetha – pakwaan, phul jhaadi, and haatho ke liye nayi ghaddi’.
This is especially for those of us who fancy ourselves as the Pitaa ji, or Mummy ji of all the goodness and kindness and charity in the big wide world , we read books with the most atrociously FAKE descriptions of charity, listening to speeches by great persons, and always quoting quotes of endowments, philanthropy, selflessness, and generosity…!! Even saints and scholars may fall short IN FRONT of the way we give BHASHAN’s about changing the world through kindness and compassion in our HEADS!!!!
We are so imaginary with charity and so IGNORANT of one’s reality that we drool and savor in the delicious flavor of unrealistic “once – upon – a – time” kind of stories – but asliyaat is quite FAR from this imaginary nonsense of ours!! Leave alone going WAY, WAY, WAY out of our WAY … to help – we won’t even do something for someone who is actually RIGHT in our WAY!!! All our kindness and compassion : becomes dhua and disappear into hawa!!
So; …my dear friends ..zara reality mai dill khol ke karo charity!! Stop this ‘thought’ and ‘reality’ ke beech ka DISPARITY! This festive season open your heart, home and bathua, and give sachi, sachi, or you will go down into history, for your air – headed daan – puniya, in an imaginary duniya!!
BOLLYWOOD’s shandaar talvarbaasi, and ghode – pe sawar, REVENGE ka bhukaar; punchlines ke saath tayar heroes and heroines….! Laila’s and Majnu’s with their, “chup – chup ke milne” ka jugaad and sar pe “tension ka pahad” !! and their pathetically, hysterically, unrealistic – dukh bhari daastans, with risk – laden raastas!
The “pyaar main andha”, compulsions “se bandha” jhund of HEER’s and RANJHA’s ..being chased by smugglers of CHARAS and GANJA !! Belonging to none other than the conspiracy clan : the descendants of Gabbar Singh and Mogambo : some high – profile sophisticated criminals, in suit – boot – glares; accompanied by men – in – black ki band, others – the gunda – mawali chor, daaku, “villagers ko dhamkao, heroine ko uthao” type……..
Then we have the ancestral blessing and family trait of the – HERO’s purvaj to always fall in “LOVE” with the “Gaon ki SABSEgori”… THE most impossible forbidden chori,: the daughter of a RICHEST Sarpanch, Sardar, Thakur, Raja, Zameendaar, …???? with big trail of Kala – gaadi’s and servants ka paltan….OR either so rugged, so poor so DUR – BHAGYA stricken, misery ridden; khandaani gareeb ki santaan !
Whatever the case – our beloved “Heroines”; whether they’re fighting with barsaat; andhi – toofan OR working in the khet with dhul mitti and raith ; their hair and skin is all glossy, all set …all HIT!! Singing and dancing around jhaad, phul – patti…… all that ‘HERO ke baahon mein EFFORTLESSLY girna’; ‘baalon ka hawa mein yun udhna’… Aah haah – haah! How eye – popping; how jaw – dropping,!! There’s admiration, there’s CHEER and exaggeration beyond imagination which may result in a series of brain damage, wearing & tearing any bit of our ability to THINK and DISCERN any FURTHER”!…..BUT….. “yeh hai BOLLYWOOD meri jaan, iske liye DILL toh kya, DIMAG bhi hai kurbaan”!!!