Ladies and the discount Sales:

What’s even more interesting than these  discount sales in themselves,  is to see how YOU, ME, TINA, MEENA and DIANA, who are otherwise quite civilized – looking;  become into  junglee hyenas!! (yes ladies, all of us equally … none of us are dudh ka dhula, once the discount sales are khula!!) : “Gate khulne se pehle tayar, hum ready hote hain bahar; : with the same aim in mind ;- FAST and FURIOUS  to be FIRST and FOREMOST to grab all that’s possibly there :uchal – khud ke, chalang laga ke in one go; to scoop up all  the cosmetics, dresses, heels and  jewelry.

And ofcourse,  with the same irresistible thought of “what ALL  we’ll get for FREE;  how big would be the branded saman ka HEAP?? Pura truck bhar ke lenge since things will be CHEAP”!!

You know, Ladies…. even the  devil himself  might  actually end up making way for us; if he ever happens to  see  the toofani andaaz  in which we ENTER the discount site! Like bulldozers raking our way through, nearly unhinging  the gate or the door, and ukhado – fying  the tiles from the FLOOR!!  ‘Girte, padhte, marte,  sabko  dhakka- mukka de ke ; baaju karte…Baap re baap…  when it comes to discount sales, hum Ladies – log  kisi ke baap se nahi darte!

Bollywood Baba Ranveer Singh’s photo with his INVISIBLE new clothes!

We are all familiar with Baba’s HATKE  extravagant  dressing sense : kabhi rang birangi chamkila shirt…toh kabhi dheela- dhala skirt.  But what kind of fashion sense is this, Baba? posing looking so outrageously ‘behaal’ and showing us your whole body and khaal..You see, even our aadi – manav ancestors during prachin kaal did not cause this kind of LAFDA  and made sure they had something like phul- patti, ghas – phus or animal skin as KAPDA. 

But there is also a lot of ADMIRATION and APPRECIATION for this Baba’s very same  ‘BINAKAPDA’ wala pose,!!  – and this is what caught my attention, I was like, “baap rey, how  are these people  able to see and NOTICE something so extraordinarily different in  this photo? And how come I can’t? I thought to myself  “that way, I may not be all that smart but, thoda – bahut art ki samaj toh even I have” ..So I tried again, but this time – chashma laga ke, nazar gadake; ..I stared and glared in the hope; that I too might see what makes this UNATTIRED’ photograph so SPECTACULAR! But unfortunately I must admit; there must be in it –  some jabardast  ‘kala pradarshan’ samajhne ki highly superior intelligence, wali baat.” For I could STILL not NOTICE  anything apart from what is OBVIOUS, that is – photo mein, “ek  DARING BANDA hain, LEKIN pura NANGA hain!!”

Fast and furious : Online food delivery and it’s followers

Sunday ho ya Monday, roz khao  ande…. that’s old – fashioned. Here’s  the modern nuske and funde!! Sunday ho ya  Monday, chatpata, masaledaar; food  is just a click away.  Super – fast order online, RIGHT NOW  and feast on  garma – garam muh main paani laane wala lazeez, swaadisht  khatta  meetha  thikka .. combo main ya single – one day ho ya full week, jab, jitna aur jitney baar ho mann! Sandwich, burger, maska – bun,  ANYTIME, ANYWHERE  eating  ALL the TIME  is so  fun!! Earlier it was, “home delivery , safety  ke naam pe ( during lockdown)” now it’s  din ho ya raat,  “ jamm ke khao – online offers ke daam pe”. ..  aur phir  pade raho sofa pe; bina  kisi kaam ke!!  

Mere  online food  ke andhe premiyo aur deewano,  Bhaiyo, Behno, School ke bacho, College ke  macho,  chote chote  employees and bade bade CEO… ab  online  food  is our preference rozana,  for us;  ghar ka khana is  ‘uncool’ and purana : cause we’re the ‘technology main full – on, health main full – gone’ FOOLISH  NAYA  zamana!!

Hum ladkiyo ki Aage ki padhai, and the recurring khayal of Single Reh jaane ka sawal !!

We girls, our further studies and the slight gloom hanging over our heads
of “missing out on a probable groom” !!

Humare Mohale ke Chikni – chupdi Chachiyo ki paltan, ne mujhse kaha : – ” Arey Chhori!! itna mat padho ki single hi reh jaoge!!’Toh maine bhi, unko kaha : ” aap apna dekho aur zarra chai – pakoda ke aage sochna seekho varna – good morning ke guldaste bhej bhej ke sabko satate reh jaoge”But Yes!! We beautiful, young and undoubtedly intelligent girls; do – every now and then get affected by the “ending up remaining single factor” and we often have this crazy conversation and doubt about our further Education.We think ” yaar jab tak humara PhD complete ho jayega… “We’ll be like gone-with-the wind; murjhaya hua flowers “without makeup or GEHNA”-And by then all the handsome HUNKS will have chosen the other girls, and call us their “pyari BEHNA”!!We imagine ourselves as “muh main kum daant, walking stick, jhuriyo and gol frame wale chashmo ke sath” Becoming a FOSSIL at the study table- “Kitabo ke dher main” while other girls roam around with lipstick, Kajal, high Heels style bikher bikher ke!!

Of course- that’s just our imagination…But dear girls, let me tell you : by then we’ll be: strong Women; intellectual, professional, and well- read an edge above the rest…!! When intelligence dresses itself with confidence : Sabki -“Pairo talle zameen khisak jayegi !!Chakra jayenge, takra jayenge, Gir, padh ke collide and collapse ho jayenge!! Slip aur, skid ho jayenge ….!Phighal ke liquid ho jayenge”Even if we just pass by, SIDE se -Samjo dill – o – dimag se completely ghayal ho jayenge- Itne highly Educated Ladki ke SIGHT se!!

Pandemic  padh  gaya  bhaari, one more year wearing mask is jaari!!

Welcome to yet another year – of living:

“MASK” ke peeche se,

Shopping, shutter ke neeche se –

And if police coming from AAGE;

Na jaane hum main se kitney – toh dukaan waale ko hii, leke bhaage!!

Mask pehen ke,  baat karte hain ese – Baap – re – baap !! maano, hum sab hain ‘paan khao thukdu jaise’ !! Maine kaha, Chachi ; mujhe lagi hain bhuk, signal pe  Kuch khilaoge?? Chaachi ne  suna:, mujhe hain single hone ka duk!! Meri shaadi kab karaoge???

While eating and drinking – We often forget…..that there’s a  ‘rumali roti’  like kapda – between the pakoda and our mouth! And, kids   have chewed on  it like chewing gum, others – have  chabaod   it  along with their  subji … And yet  there are THOSE who’ve been EXTRA innovative  and – used it as an ‘INSTANT” FILTER while drinking water!!

So dear friends…  with all  of this ’muh’ – ka – baandi and ‘naakabandhi’ continuing…: – this  year; “bada bada” unrealistic goals nai rakhne ka, One fine day “wala pahad ukhaadne” ka soch nai rakne ka, itna sabr rakne ka – Ki  everyday life main shiddat se kaam karne ka …..’Life’s NOT about : Running ‘ghode’ jaise koi RACE –  It’s the DAILY things that with COURAGE you have to face!! Better than “full speed pe BREAKDOWN” is maintaining a consistent everyday PACE!!’

The Ordering  Disorder!!

These are the; COMMANDING and DEMANDING :  riotous type of people WHO simply cannot  do anything on their own: or go anywhere without creating – a RUCKUS and treating others like animals from a CIRCUS!! ..‘do this , do that, this way – that  way, … faster properly !!.. karke logon ka sarr chabaa  jaate hain!!

These finicky – panicky sophisticated, bheja eaters !! want everything done in a frightfully RIGID, unrealistically,  ‘PERFECT’ manner and will go on ORDERING –  and chewing up your brain for the most INSIGNIFICANT  thing!!!..  till they’re gasping for BREATH!!! But – baap – rey  baap!! –  they shall not give up on being the “MALIK” ….who gives everyone HUKKUM  and scares everyone to DEATH!!

My  ‘Hindi’  dakhalandazi,  in pure ‘Angrezi’!!!

My  Dearest  readers, thank   you so much for reading my blog;  and  graciously  putting up with me – although  I have been  making  Khichdi out of the  English language!! I’m one of those Literature students who was actually thrown out of the kingdom of Literature; fell off the tree of Linguistics,. and was rejected by a board of  scoffing, nearly choking and  coughing, English Professors, who CHASED me out of town with a BROOM !!: …Cursing my khandaan from maasi to buaa; Giving one after the other  English mein  bad’duaa…!!!’  and yet : I chose to come back – and show my face – and even try a HAND AT WRITING!!!

So,  you see, I just don’t have what it takes : to be  an English writer like everyone else … my WRITINGS  lack  that ‘SHAKESPEARE – IC’ “thee, thy, thou, thine”  wala  Angrezi touch …My pronunciation and diction have  some sort of an issue – for me, it’s easier to write “arey, jaa re .. yeh puniya ka kaam kar ke, aa.. re !!” rather than, ” I hereby ordain unto thee, to perform this noble task”

If , any  English writers;  narrated  a  story  about “the fights  between two wives of a gentleman; ”, they  would certainly  bring together the most polished of words to adorn the title of the story; LIKE : “The miseries of the 2 wives” Or “The fable of the 2 Wives who fought throughout their  lives ” Or maybe “The two  quarreling  wives ”…. But  my title for the same would be….“Sautan Lagaye Aag, Jaan Bacha ke Bhaag”!!

“what to do oh ladies?, we are  dill, dimag and adaat se INSANE,”

I have brought out the most hilarious, obnoxious behavior of us girls when it comes to impressing guys,…but why leave out the even more  atrocious, ferocious, behavior of the BOYS..when it comes to the same???!!! So here are some comments on our ‘uchalta – khudtaa  ankh – marta  langoors,’: who fool and  “be – dimag” ho kar bhi, try to act cool..

I’m sure; hum sabka pala inse padha hain “stinky skunks” with, puffed – up chest, and spiked – up hair; they think of themselves as handsome hunks  and god’s eternal  GIFT to heaven and  earth… the ‘saari ladkiya mujh pe marti hai’   TYPE!! These disastrous freaks  are every girl’s ‘chalta phirta dread and buraa sapna’ they ‘FOOL around  with all but don’t honor anyone as apna’  

Inn se toh pala padhte hi, inke sar pe chappal padhti hain !! the “luche lafange complete  bedhange” TYPE These ‘badnaseeb, mentality se ajeeb, mendhaks’– will stare and stare and stare and NO GIRL they’ll SPARE – until their head is hammered by a range of lady’s footwear!!

Aur inn “SARFIRE ajooba’s”  se toh hum sabka pala, padha hi padha hain!! – the : behlao – fuslao, uljhao – atkao – fasao, and bewakoof – banao all the girls : with their airy – flairy talks, and hopeless show  – off TYPE!” the MOST outrageous  brainless gadha’s with their heratangez adaa!!

The young “Ajeeb – o – gareeb  vichitra INDIAN praani’s” and their CAFÉ – addict kahani

The Lockdown, although a  ‘majboori’ did  somewhat help bridge this  ‘doori’ and brought  back the fuss – free Bindaas zindaa – dilli, loving and caring  DESI attitude of  us, Indian youth  : in the past one – and  a – half  year we  have had no choice but to celebrate birthdays  and  events at  home, or at normal places with our family and friends; without whose presence our lives would be adhuri!!  

BUT now, we’re BACK : to the so – called : PERFECT ‘new – age’ café RAGE…!  The  cozy, coffee, and ‘gupas’ over the cupas business!! A   fancy place  with a decorated unchaa ceiling; and 5 – star Angrezi, Spanish waali feeling : and  all the fuss and  nakhraas you can think of – set in with wifi, A/C and the latest modern comforts …Furniture and atmosphere cut to match the craving of the west – loving, Indian youth : and a name and location  that would get any brand – conscious café –addict instantly glued there!! Where  your  instagram followers would die approving and praising off. …

For every occasion:  you run to one of these CAFÉ’S with your “baal rangeela, bheja dheela’’ atrangi chelaa’s  grooving  to the sound of some bizarre BESURA high angrezi music ki dhun!!.. Your, swirly creamy, ‘coffee’ shivers : while YOU  do a zordar koshish  at everything from “machal – pout”  to “ghodaa – grin”, changing a HUNDRED FILTERS but STILL looking like an unsatisfied elf…. Arey  yaar; Stop this India – born “VIDESHI” banne ka stress and mess,  and simply enjoy; your  undisputed “artistically manmohak, naturally photo – readily akarshak”, true DESI “kadak chai” and self !!! !

This  festive season put  your imagination of compassion, into real ACTION!

There has been so much  talks, about – what all we have been through socially and financially as a nation in the last 19 months, BUT now – we  actually  have a chance  to celebrate “walking the talk”, by  looking  beyond just ‘ meetha – pakwaan, phul jhaadi, and haatho ke liye nayi ghaddi’.

This is especially for those of us who fancy ourselves as the Pitaa ji, or Mummy ji of all the goodness and kindness and charity in the big wide  world , we read  books with the most atrociously FAKE descriptions of charity, listening to speeches by great persons, and always quoting quotes of endowments, philanthropy, selflessness, and generosity…!! Even saints  and scholars  may fall short IN FRONT of the  way we give BHASHAN’s about changing the world through kindness and compassion in our HEADS!!!!

We  are so imaginary with charity and so IGNORANT of one’s reality that we drool and savor in the delicious flavor of unrealistic “once – upon – a – time” kind of stories – but asliyaat is quite FAR from this imaginary nonsense of ours!! Leave alone going WAY, WAY, WAY out of our WAY … to help – we won’t even do something for someone who is actually  RIGHT in our WAY!!!  All  our kindness and compassion : becomes dhua and disappear into hawa!!

So; …my dear friends reality mai dill khol ke karo charity!! Stop this ‘thought’ and ‘reality’ ke beech ka DISPARITY! This festive season open your heart, home and  bathua, and give sachi, sachi, or you will go down into history, for your air – headed daan – puniya,  in an imaginary duniya!!